1. “Arry Po-ah.”
Translation: “Harry Potter.”
2. “You must come home for supper sometime.”
Translation: Don’t actually show up now, I’m merely being polite.
3. “I’ll let you get on then.”
Translation: I’ve had enough of you for now, goodbye.
4. “There’s a heatwave coming.”
Translation: Cloudy skies with 25mph northerly gusts. A high of 16 degrees Celsius/61 degrees Fahrenheit and a 30% chance of precipitation.
5. “No worries if you can’t make it.”
Translation: I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed that you don’t show up.
6. “I’d love to, but maybe another time.”
Translation: More chances of you spotting a dancing hippo than me doing this.
7. “Could you possibly put this in an email?”
Translation: I stopped listening 4 seconds into the conversation and it is far too embarrassing to admit now.
8. “Not ideal.”
Translation: It’s the Apocalypse.
9. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
Translation: About time you finished with your sob story.
10. “Fancy a quick pint down the pub?”
Translation: Fancy getting smashed until 4 am and waking up with our faces marinating in doner kebab?
11. “They’re alright once you get to know them.”
Translation: They’re muppets of the mind-numbing variety.
12. “I’m poorly.”
Translation: I have a hangover that would slay an elephant.
13. “What have you got on presently?”
Translation: An avalanche of work is heading your way any minute.
14. “She’s made a dog’s dinner of that.”
Translation: I asked her to tie me up and treat me mean. She tied me up and went out shopping for an hour.
15. “There was some argy-bargy.”
Translation: The police were called. Jam first/cream on top or cream first/jam on top of scones, they just couldn’t settle it.
16. “Not sure if face coverings will help with the current situation.”
Translation: That’s infinitely less space for tea and shortbread fingers.
17. “It’s literally the next thing on my list.”
Translation: You’ve just reminded me, now go away. Oh, and there is no list.
18. “He’s just a few sandwiches short of a picnic.”
Translation: He’s a staggering, floundering, blundering nutcase.
19. “I’m not quite sure I follow.”
Translation: What an astounding load of balderdash, someone get rid of him now.
20. “You look ever so slightly tired.”
Translation: You look like you have been sleeping upside down in a rubbish bin.
21. “Well yeah, that’s one way of seeing it.”
Translation: Well no, that’s the wrong way of seeing it.
22. “It was working just fine a moment ago.”
Translation: What on earth have you done to break it?
23. “Each to their own.”
Translation: You’re wrong but I’m far too knackered to argue any longer.
24. “Black Lives Ma-ah.”
Translation: Black Lives Matter.
